September 2013 Update:  This YouTube clip demonstrates what I describe below about talking to turkeys. We boys did a little old-time preaching. The guy on the clip lays out some “cruel humor” to the doomed birds.

Talking with Turkeys

I grew up on a pig and cattle farm, and the few chickens in the shed did not make us a poultry business. Because we ended our small egg-laying operation before I was out of elementary school, my images are few: walking into the haze, dust, and floating feathers to collect warm eggs from the nests; watching dad rig up patchwork fencing to keep chickens in and foxes out; fearing and anticipating the typical butchering day with chopping block, headless birds, and smelly steamed feathers.

One other disclosure before delving into the new turkey meat controversy: Even though I hired out for farm work on several neighbor farms, I never had the joy of working at one of the numerous large turkey operations in our part of the state. The closest I came was one evening when some of us teenagers were driving the gravel roads, and we stopped along a large pen where hundreds of turkeys were enjoying the night air. We found that if you pitch your voice just right and start chattering nonsense like a B-grade televangelist, the turkeys would gather and gobble along like an adoring audience. We were tempted to pass the hat and ask them for money.